


So, you feel fear too?

by FreakingOutGirl



Series: Son of a Exy! [7]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew and his scars, Andrew talks about his past, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Luke sees Andrew's scars for the first time, Luke's mom is mentioned, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakingOutGirl/pseuds/FreakingOutGirl
Summary: Luke sees Andrew's scars for the first time and he reacts to it, making Andrew think about the way his life changed thanks to Luke.





	So, you feel fear too?

**Author's Note:**

> There's mention of suicide in this, to explain someone's death, no more than that.

Andrew didn’t know when his life became this tangled mess of emotions for someone else other than a red-headed blue-eyed striker.

Was it when his first team, trying to pull a publicity stunt decided to help some orphanages and foster kids, letting them meet the players and actually play in an Exy court? Was it when he, as a foster kid himself, was almost ordered to visit an orphanage, even if it made his skin crawl and wish to punch everyone that tried to shake his hand? Was it when one visit with his team turned into another with Neil? And another with Neil? _And another with Neil?_ Until he could no longer keep count of the time they spent in that orphanage, listening to a black-haired, blue-eyed boy bad mouth everyone around him, tell them of the pranks he used to pull until everyone started to keep their distance from him and ask them just how much time they had to train to become top athletes.

Andrew was really not sure when it happened, probably, in between visits, when he and Neil would go back home with a sense of loss for something they had no idea what. Neil was the first to bring it up and it took Andrew a few days to realize that he, as well, was actually already invested in it, that in his mind, he had started to plan visits to the closest Italian gelataria, late nights in the balcony observing Neil teaching the kid about constellations and how to never get lost with their help…  

And now, here he was, just a couple of weeks after Luke started calling them dad and old man, frozen in the middle of the hallway, the smoke from his bath still escaping through the bathroom door, his arms in complete display thanks to his t-shirt.

Luke was not supposed to be home for another two hours, so Andrew saw no problem in not putting up his black bands over his forearms. It had been a long time since he kept knives in them every minute of every day, not that he walked unprotected outside of their house, but there, in the comfort of the home he built with Neil and now with Luke, and their stupid cats, he felt safe to not walk around armed.

However, until that moment, Andrew had kept his scars hidden from Luke. The kid thought the black armbands were cool and Andrew didn’t try to correct him, not after the first time Luke saw Neil’s scars in his arms and almost had a panic attack. Only after they explained that Neil didn’t do it to himself, that some bad people hurt him and made not only the scars in his arms, but the ones in his face as well, did he calm enough to touch Neil’s arm and take a deep breath.

So no, Andrew was in no rush to tell Luke about his own scars and how he got them… Not that they embarrassed him, they were a sign of survival like Neil liked to say, a sign that Andrew was stronger than all the fuckers that tried to ruin his live. Andrew thought Neil liked to romanticize it, make him a fucking hero in his eyes. Andrew knew better, he was just a fucked up boy, that tried to control his body when everyone else around him tried to use it for their own pleasure.

But now, it was too late and Luke’s blue eyes were glued to his arms, following the lines of his scars from side to side and then the boy was retreating, his steps soft over the carpet, but his expression hard.

Andrew tried to call him back, but before he could utter his name, Luke was already fleeing the scene, opening the door and closing it behind him, the sound echoing in the house.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Andrew whispered softly, his eyes observing the closed door, hoping for it to open a few seconds later. But it didn’t.

The reason why Andrew didn’t want Luke to know about his scars, at least, not until he was certain Andrew was there to stay, was the same reason that ended up with Luke in the foster system.

Luke's mother was young, too young to have a kid by herself and shunned by her family, she tried to do good for her child, all by herself after her boyfriend died in a car crash. Everything looked to be fine until the baby was born and postpartum depression roared its ugly head. Probably the girl suffered from it during the pregnancy, especially after the death of the child’s father, but she was alone and had no one to notice and take care of her. And so, for a couple of years, the girl turned mother fought against it, alone, unhelped, forgotten by the people that should have helped her, until the day she couldn’t go on anymore and sliced her wrists inside the bath. It took the neighbors three days to find her, only because Luke started crying in hunger. Neil and Andrew knew about this and discussed at length the conversation they would have to have with the boy concerning their own marks. But Andrew was not ready to do it now, he needed more time with Luke, to understand Luke, to make the boy understand him… and it was his biggest mistake.

“ _A runner_ …” he murmured, before walking slowly towards his office and locking the door.

Andrew had no idea how much time he spent locked in the dark. He was sitting on the floor, his knees against his chest. He ruined it, he actually ruined the small chance they had of being a family with his fears. He was not supposed to feel fear, he was supposed to protect and provide for Luke, he was supposed to keep him from harm’s way… but he was the one harming him… A cold feeling enveloped him and he felt like his brain was shacking inside his skull, trying to break through bone. His hand moved towards his phone, ready to call Neil or Bee, but when he finally decided to admit defeat and ask for help, he heard the front door open.

Soft steps echoed through the house, until they reached the office. Andrew heard Luke’s body move and sit against the closed door.

“Old man…” Luke said softly.

“Luke…” Andrew whispered back.

“Did you try to kill yourself?” Luke asked slowly, like he was afraid of the answer.

Andrew was silent for a few moments, wondering how he could explain to a nine years-old what went through his mind during that period of time.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself… but I wasn’t saving myself either…” Andrew tried to say.

“I don’t understand…” Luke confessed, his voice muffled by his knees against his mouth.

“When I was in the foster system… people took advantage of me for being defenseless… they were cruel, stuff from nightmares...” Andrew explained, knowing that Luke would understand what he was really trying to say.

He heard the boy gasp painfully and he knew he realized what he meant.

“More than once, during that time, I thought about it… but I never tried to do it… I guess I was too angry with life to give her the satisfaction of ending like that… those scars, they…”

“You don’t have to explain any more…” Luke interrupted and Andrew felt the pain sipping from the boy’s words.

“Those scars… during that time, they felt like the only thing I could control in my body… It was wrong, but for me, they were the only way for me to actually have a say in what happened to me… the houses, the people, everything was ordered by someone else… how they treated me, everything, it was someone else…” Andrew fell silent and Luke cleaned the tears that were falling silently through his cheeks.

“Can I come in?” Luke asked and he heard movement behind the door and the lock clicking.

Luke opened the door, stepped slowly through the threshold and let his eyes get used to the dark. He could notice Andrew sitting on the floor and without hesitation closed the distance between them and sat on the floor next to the older man, but keeping some distance.

“Can I grab your hand?” Luke asked and Andrew took a deep breath.

“Yes.”

Andrew extended his arm and Luke took his hand inside his own.

“I was scared that you were sick like my mom…” Luke confessed. “And couldn't be with us anymore…”

Andrew couldn’t miss the use of _us_ , the way that Luke was worried not only for himself, but for Neil too. He felt a warmness inside of him similar to the one he felt the first time Neil said “ _I am not a pipe dream. I’m not going anywhere_.”

“Those belong to another life… they can’t take me away from you…” Andrew said, feeling the boy playing with his fingers.

“You didn’t tell me, because…?”

“I was afraid…”

“ _You were afraid of my reaction?”_ Luke asked and Andrew hummed. “So, you feel fear too?”

“What kind of fucking question is that? Everyone is afraid of something…” Andrew said, moving his head to peek at the shadow that was Luke.

“I thought you weren’t…” Luke said softly and Andrew wasn’t sure if the boy meant for him to hear it or not.

“Well, I am, okay? So every time you feel fear don’t act like an idiot and just tell us, alright? We will try our best to protect you…” Andrew replied, trying to lessen the gloom in the boy’s voice.

“Even if it’s a python hiding in my bedroom?” Luke asked and Andrew could hear the smile in his voice.

“Are you thinking of entering the business of trafficking exotic animals?” Andrew asked and Luke chuckled softly.

Andrew breathed deeply, feeling the relaxed frame of Luke’s body next to him. Suddenly the door opened again and the light was turned on, making them blink owlishly from the floor at Neil’s shocked expression.

“Are you alright? What happened? Do I need to call an ambulance? Do I need to kill someone? Or something?” Neil’s questions tumbled from his mouth, while he knelt in front of the two, his hands hovering nervously close to their faces, in search of an injury or a signal of distress.

“See? How can we fear a python when we have striker extraordinaire here to kill it?” Andrew asked and Luke laughed out loud at his words and Neil’s tremulous next question.

_“Are you high?”_


End file.
